Wedding Mass Customs

In this post, we would like to touch upon some of the customs that are sometimes followed in and around the nuptial mass. These are not compulsory, but may be followed if they are meaningful to the couple and the families, with the permission of the priest.

The Order for Celebrating Matrimony provides for, and even encourages the incorporation of local customs in the wedding liturgy by the bishops. As a result, two customs find a place in the Order for Celebrating Matrimony in the United States. These are:

1. Blessing and placing the lazo or veil on the couple
2. Blessing and giving of the arras (coins)

These above two are intended for places where this is a cultural tradition, that is, Hispanic and Filipino communities (mainly in Latin America and the Philippines)

Placing a bouquet at Mother Mary's statue

It is a custom in some places for the bride to place a bouquet at a statue of Mother Mary, as a sign of asking for Mary's intercession to help the couple build a good family. The couple spends a few moments in prayer. Sometimes, in a similar way, the groom may place flowers, or pray in front of a statue of St. Joseph. I think that this is a beautiful gesture. Sometimes, this takes place after the nuptial rite. The potential downside of doing it at this point in the mass is that it can obstruct the smooth flow of the liturgy. Instead, you can consider placing the bouquet after the mass. In some places, it takes place at the end of the mass, before the final blessing. If it takes place during the mass, it is usually accompanied by a hymn to Mother Mary, or instrumental music.

Kissing the cross

This is an old Croatian tradition in which the bride and groom carry a crucifix with them when they enter into the church. After the nuptial rite, instead of kissing each other, they kiss the crucifix. This symbolises their understanding that marriage involves embracing not just joy but also trials. The cross is a symbol of suffering, but also the symbol of the greatest love. This meaningful custom is gradually becoming popular around the world.

Unity candle

This is a relatively new custom, in which the bride and groom hold two smaller lighted candles which are then used to light a bigger candle, called the 'unity candle'. The smaller candles are then extinguished, to symbolise that the two individual lives are now blended into one. Many dioceses and parishes discourage this custom for two reasons: Firstly, because the candles in liturgy, and in particular, the Easter candle symbolise the risen Christ, the light of the world. Therefore, it would be inappropriate to use candles in a different context. Secondly, because it interferes with the flow of the nuptial rite, which has a specific form and sequence. Some parishes and dioceses do allow the unity candle custom to be followed, but for the above reasons, they may specify that it be carried out with or without using the Easter candle, not during the nuptial rite, and that the candles are not placed on the altar. In case you are not allowed to have the unity candle ceremony in the church, it can always be held at the wedding reception.

Placing of the lazo or veil

This takes place before the nuptial blessing.The lazo is a cord or wedding garland or a large rosary. The lazo or a veil is placed over the bride and groom. This symbolically binds them together, and also symbolises the protection bestowed through the nuptial blessing.

Giving of the arras

The arras, meaning 'pledge', consists of a small box containing thirteen gold coins. The arras is often handed down in the family for generations. After the exchange of the rings, the husband hands the coins to the wife, who hands them back to him. This symbolises the blessings of God that they will share together.


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